Guess I don't know what's, left to say
But hear me out
All of the dreams of, yesterday
Keep breaking me down
What's on the outside, can you say
Or am I getting carried away

It's in your mind
It's in your eyes
So it's goodbye again
It's way past time
For one last try
So it's goodbye again
Goodbye... again

 Who wants you now?
Maybe somebody else
I'll wait around
Maybe you'll forget you were ever here
Maybe forget you were ever, never here

"You tend to laugh and joke around when you are with everyone, but you feel lonely and empty when are all alone. you cry alone when you have stress and problems. you often have many problems that are bugging you, but you never show them out on your face. you are not as cheerful as they thought, but you just don't wish to spoilt the mood of everyone, hence you hide your emotions inside. you are just a weak human with feelings afterall"
- some facebook quiz

well i guess the above paragraph is true. especially for the past few days, past week rather. have been thinking a lot lately. each night, before going to sleep ill at least think about something. but i just can't show it to te people i hang out with. when im angry with someone from the clique, ill just keep quiet and try to smile so as not to spoil the atmosphere. ill just sms mango and he gladly hear my rants and sometimes rant with me as well. but not that he's in army, it's abit hard for me to keep in contact with him.

things do get annoying at times when you try to be in charge. must suit your schedule and follow what you do. you're not the same person anymore. you tend to be more egoistic, is that the correct word? i don't know. we used to be so close or rather closer than what we are now. but now your life evolves around you and gf. you may not realize it, but things do get awkward at certain points when we hangout. others too have a gf but to me, it seems that im not able to communicate with you anymore like how it used to be. i don't blame your relationship. well maybe it's the process of growing up. not everthing remains the same right?

you're annoying most of the time, but i still do respect you as a friend/ senior. but it'll be better if you can stop bugging me with smses. i have my personal life too, you know.

thanks for trying to be there when i felt really down during the weekend. and the night that we were supposed to go out and talk, which turn out to be a tragedy! im still able to communicate with you but i feel there are certain barriers now. you don't feel it, but i do.

on friday when the clique metup, i felt really really awkward and out of place at certain points in time. i just felt like leaving and go for a walk. but hey, it's a clique meetup right? i held back and try to have much fun as i can. things began to improve when we were playing game. it felt like the old times during secondary school days where we'll hangout after school and go for "expensive lunch" then. although it may seem that i was enjoying myself, there is still this pinch of fear and heartbroken in me. after what happened last yr, i tend to be more cautious over what i say. once bitten, twice shy.

i was very disappointed with you, all of us were. we planned the outing like 1 .5 weeks in advance and you said you can make it after work. but then, 2 days before the meetup, you said your manager changed you schedule. i smelt something fishy but then i's the GSS so i assume that you really had to work. so when we walk along citylink, we saw you but you didnt see us. of our reaction was like "wth, we thought he was supposed to be at work now". i called didnt answer, smsed didnt reply, didnt even apologize. we went to your workplace and you're really not there. and someone else said that this isnt your first time pangseing the clique. sigh.

i thought you've change for a better. but i guess it'd becoming a very stagnant and standard process. it's been very hard for me to cope with it. although you're much nicer now, i'm just worried that things will get worst again..

hanging out with you really makes my day. pillow fight, talking cock, ice cream, plane watching, eighteen chefs and what now. perhaps you're the only one that enlighten my mood when i dont feel good. coz we can just talk and laugh. and you always make me worry about you. but i guess its better that you're telling me things rather than keeping it to yourself right? but how am i to cope during the 4months period?

there are other things which is not really appropriate for me to post it here.

to wrap things up, i just envy those around me. when will it ever be my turn again.

 

well, it was an impromptu decision to hold a chalet.
manage to book the last chalet 3 weeks before hand.

thanks to farah and sarah for helping out in a way or another.
and givig suggestions!

so let me see,
230109
woke up early to settle the pudding stuffs.
went to school for some etiquette workshop which was quite useful, and interesting!
fetched my cousins from Tamp and home-d to change.
my lil cousin settle the banner, i prepare my stuffs.

went over to the chalet around 7, slacked, ate.
settle the goodie bags (SPIDERMAN OKAY).
haha like chain reaction.
oh ya not forgetting mediator between the 2 kids who fight non stop.
friends for 5 mins, enemies for 2 mins. -_-

cousins stayed over, didnt do much coz practically everyone got knocked out.
haha!

 

Some of the stuffs i have to say to some people for the year 2008.

A:it was fun msging those random stuffs to each other, always making fun of each other. and the "take turns to ask question". all the best in your studies! (:

B:i hope things are better now, although we never spoke a word, apart from important stuffs. i know it's hard to start a conversation once again but how long must it wait?

C:glad to have you back even for a while. let's hang out more since you're here and i miss those random sms-es! (: good luck in your studies!

D:hmmm, even though we seldom talk but when we talk it's really talking! haha. okay. although we cant go hk this yr, perhaps next yr? dont fall sick so often okay!

E:i know you still hold a grudge against me, but face it, it's the past? i hope you'll be more mature next yr, nevertheless you're a great friend. and good luck!

F:2008 wasn't a good year for us, i swear. it was due to all the hiccups that we had. i couldn't bear to see our friendship just die off like that and i glad i met you guys on that sunday. it was in the past. now i just hope we dont have to go through the same cycle again. i miss being good friends with you, bithcing and what not. just that now, it's hard for me to talk to you coz we're so busy and guess i'm kinda holding back a little?

G:LONG TIME NO SEE. where and how have you been? don't tell me you go NS already? take care alright! always can read my mind and knwo how i feel without talking to me! (:

H:2008 wasn't a good year for us. whatever that happens im sure our friendship is much stronger now. i dont want the incident to happen again,. you know how much you mean to me as a close friends. i miss those indulgence days, those walking home days or simply, bus rides home.

I:bitch! how's life. last time so close now so dao one! anyway good luck for your results and yeah, have fun going in!

J:haha my first guinea pig passenger! thanks for everything that we've been through this and the years before. it was great knolwing you. study hard and meet up soon okay! i'll be more careful at multi story carpark!

K:crazy idiot. i felt great after sharing with you some stuffs and i feel that i could be more open now. we always have the same topic to talk about, and the same person to target! (:

L:hey you. thanks for everything, especially towards the end of 2008. you've been of great help listening to me rant as much as you can. i thought it'll be awkward at first but i guess things were better than i expect it to be? those late night meetups, spin2 was awesome. not forgetting the emo talks. stay strong alright, whenever you need, it's my turn to be there for you. (:

M:ill always disturb you and you'll give me that stare and when it comes to a certain period of the day, you'll laugh like mad! all the best in everything you do and work harder! 

N:hmmm, firstly i was surprised to find out that it was 2 lane and not 1 lane. but oh well, talking to you was great, and those random moments when you try to be crazy but CMI. and always irritating me. oh ya, you got your wish come true!

O:study hard okay. i know i've said this umpteen times but never give up and always have confidence in yourself. knowing the truth is better than jumping into conclusion? work harder!

P:honestly, i dunno how everything started. but yeah it started. it was quite awkward at first but after several meetups it was okay. although there were several contemplation and doubts on my part. let's go for late night supper again soon, and stop lying okay! (:  sometimes, i find it hard to understad what's on your mind.

Q:the forever so busy fella. thanks for being such a great friend, listener and a motivator. thanks for listening to all my crap and stuffs and always trying to make me feel positive and even not reply my messages sometimes! let's go rounding soon okay. we got lots to catch up. and take more "continuous photo!"

R:hey you! still remember our codes?? haha. you're quite random at times and even asked me to trust you. like WTH. but thanks for trying to be there?

S:thanks for listening to my ranting about you know who. also thanks for keeping sth a secret, since back then in 2005! let's have a proper meetup soon! meetup is never complete without you in the clique. oh ya, also stop bullying me just because im the youngest in the clique!

T:zomg, another blastissimo year working together. im not sure if im joining next year but i guess we'll still keep in touch! outing when?

U:i don't know why you suddenly went MIA, but take care, i guess?

V:gosh i feel weird writing this for you, but i hope to know you before school ends? (:

W:well, this year have been quite a shaky year for me and you. i begain to had doubts due to sth that happened but i guess i was just being ridiculous and that i shouldn't be so paranoid. but i guess we made it up to each other. laughing a lot. bitching and stuffs. oh yeah, im gonna miss you when you go in! take care and meetup as usual okay!

X:omg, i can just imagine your voice now. :x anyway thanks for being such a great advisor, although always bullying me since im the youngest in the clique. stop emoing and have a better 2009!

Y:hello! forever late. anyway, thanks for being such a great friend, always listening to my story, rant whatever. if only everyone could be like you sia! you stop contemplative about coming to school okay! study hard. you owe me A LOT. work harder!

Z:bestfriend! hmm, again, although we dont really keep in touch this yr but when we do, we really do. like within a few minutes all the stuffs comes out! (: i wish you all the best in everything you do especially your love life! haha.